Tara Allen-Flanagan, Contributor
From Gerts bar on McTavish to your local department Wine and Cheese, McGill has no shortage of events in which active participation may result in a splitting headache and upset stomach the next day. While students may spend hours primping for a night out at Tokyo on a Thursday, they may only dedicate the amount of time it takes to blink at their closet on Friday morning.
Whether they crashed on someone’s sofa after retiring as the night’s reigning beer pong champion or have an 8:00am class in McIntyre, the students of McGill must wake up and rejoin the world of the living. They can only be shielded from the judging eyes of their well-dressed peers, who stayed in the night before, under the protective cover of fashionable clothes. The following list provides students with a comprehensive analysis of the latest trends in morning-after fashion, so that they can look runway ready as they rub last night’s mascara deeper into the dark circles under their eyes.
Dresses over Jeans: “I am eight years old and I need an adult.”
Dresses over jeans may sound like the type of outfit you wore to picture day on the third grade when your mother let you show off your “creative” side, but according to Vogue this fashion-faux-pas of the past is now a street style staple.
While this risky fashion choice should be thought out ahead of time in order to be pulled off well, hungover people do not have the time to plan the next morning’s outfit. Hungover people have only ten minutes to get to the bar before happy hour is over and an Uber is waiting outside. Throw on the dress you wore out on St. Laurent the night before and the same pair of jeans you’ve been wearing since midterms and call it a throwback to your youth. Be warned: the word “throwback” is phonetically similar to the term “throw up.” Choose your words wisely when explaining your ensemble to your professor after they have asked you why you stumbled into class thirty-five minutes late with a bottle of gatorade in hand.
Vinyl: “If I feel like trash and look like trash, I must be trash.”
Vinyl is coming back in a big way this winter. Expect to see dark and shiny fabrics as accents on the bags, shoes, and jackets of McGill’s trendsetters as the days get colder. Luckily, being hungover does not restrict innovation, and so the vinyl trend could be a lifesaver when you sleep in your outfit and it ends up looking wrinklier than a balled up print out of a failed essay.
This trend is perfect for people who are so hungover that they want nothing more than to be left alone to wallow with an extra large black coffee. Throw a black trash bag over a wrinkled or stained shirt and make a belt out of an old shoelace in order to rock this trend. Add a pair of dark shades and some knee-high boots to this look in order to awe the McGill janitors and rise as a true artist who expresses their feelings through their clothes.
Sweat clothes: “I am a small baby who needs to be swaddled”
After a night out, the comfort of a warm bed might feel like heaven for someone who regrets the amount of jungle juice they consumed at a fundraiser. For those who wish they had the willpower to walk around wrapped in a duvet without falling asleep, sweat clothes are the next best thing. High fashion sweatpants are not new, as seen in Yeezy’s 2015 ready to wear line for Adidas. And yet, simple everyday sweat clothes are not daring enough for the fashion-conscious streets of the McGill Ghetto. Try combining sweatpants with a sweatshirt, slippers, a hat, gloves, and a pillow as a clutch bag to really embody the essence of sleep. The pillow clutch can also double as earmuffs when the construction in Leacock begins.
Pyjamas: “I was not planning to sleep through my alarm but I did and now I must face the consequences”
Pyjamas are meant for the home, not the streets. However, sometimes there is no other choice but to sprint to a mandatory-participation lab five minutes after it began with no time left to change. Luckily, pyjamas have been a mainstay of runways this summer, with celebrities such as Selena Gomez joining in on the trend. Dress up a pair of faded Hello Kitty print cotton pants and a stained sleep shirt on it with a pair of 5 and a half inch inch Louboutins in order to let passersby know that that while, yes, you are late, you can also also run in heels. That alone is impressive enough.
Sunglasses: “Like icing on a burnt and salty cake.”
The most crucial part of any hangover outfit is the accessories. Sunglasses are a must, and the bigger the better. Really, the more of the face that is covered the better. If you have no time to put together one of the fabulous outfit ideas mentioned above, statement sunglasses are a great tool which can be used to pull the attention away from the suffering of your body. Nothing says “I’m fine!” louder than a pair of sunglasses that cost more than your tuition.
The next time someone scoffs at your bathrobe in class, remind them that you are participating in the long McGill tradition of acting like a productive student while being extremely hungover – and looking good while doing it.